The Longest Goodbye.

The Longest Goodbye: How I Broke Up with Teaching

by Melissa Lammers

I was the teacher’s kid who swore she’d never teach.
I grew up watching my mother live in a cycle of grading and caring — a rhythm that sounded like exhaustion set to a metronome. I saw the way her eyes dimmed each Sunday evening, the way she carried her students’ pain home in silence.
I told myself I would do anything but that.

And so, of course, I became a teacher.

I tried other paths first, but the pull was gravitational. I told myself I’d do it differently — I’d fix it, modernize it, humanize it. I earned my second degree in education, believing in the promise of impact. The first time I stepped into my own classroom, I felt like I’d arrived at the center of something sacred. Chalk dust, laughter, the hum of fluorescent lights — all of it shimmered with purpose.

Then the system introduced itself.

Iowa schools are full of good hearts caught in impossible machinery. We don’t teach children so much as triage them. We pour from a cup that was emptied years ago.
Still, I fought.

I fought hard.
I fought hard.
I fought hard.

I told myself: I can make it right. If I love them enough, plan harder, stay later, care louder — I can make it right.

But the truth is, love doesn’t fix what’s designed to break you.

I quit once. I swore I was done. And then, like so many of us, I came back.
Because middle school is magic.

Those kids — awkward, brilliant, strange, and endlessly becoming — they are chaos incarnate and I adore them for it. They make me laugh until I cry and cry until I laugh. They will argue with you about everything and then hug you on the way out the door.

There’s an atmosphere in a middle school — a current you can feel shift when something’s about to happen. You can sense it before the first bell: the offbeat rhythm, the collective breath, the charge of adolescence. It’s electric and fragile all at once.

To teach middle school is to live inside a storm that you love.

But the storm changed.

Keep kids busy. Keep kids busy. Keep kids busy.
The mantra that replaced meaning.

Johnny has soccer at four, piano at five, tae kwon do at six.
They only have an hour with him before bed.
And then they wonder why he cannot sit still, cannot name his feelings, cannot listen.

Parents don’t know who their children are anymore. They hire other people to parent, then resent us when we do. They confuse busyness with enrichment, call it opportunity, and hand us the fallout.

Their child being busy is elite babysitting.
Give me quiet 1990s parenting any day — the kind where you rode your bike until the streetlights came on and came home to parents who looked you in the eyes.

Now we measure childhood in calendar squares and call it success.

Teaching became an ache that no amount of love could soothe.
I was grieving in real time — for my students, for my colleagues, for myself.
Every reform felt like rearranging deck chairs on a ship we were told to pretend wasn’t sinking.
I loved it anyway.
That was the hardest part.

Teaching was my first heartbreak.
I kept believing we could fix it — the curriculum, the politics, the parents, the silence.
I thought if I stayed faithful, the system would love me back.
But love built on martyrdom is not love. It’s survival disguised as purpose.

Breaking up with teaching wasn’t a clean cut. It was a slow unraveling — the kind of leaving that happens in layers.
First, you stop decorating your room. Then you stop bringing work home. Then one day you realize you no longer say we when you talk about the school.

It wasn’t betrayal. It was self-preservation.

Still, it felt like grief. I missed the hum of the hallways, the spontaneous laughter, the way a classroom breathes when something finally clicks. I missed the smell of pencil shavings and dry-erase markers and the orchestra of forty different pencil taps on desks.

I missed being someone’s favorite teacher.

Now, I live in the quiet that used to terrify me. I wake without a bell. I drink coffee without grading. I write about the thing that once defined me.

The truth is, I didn’t stop teaching — I just stopped disappearing inside it.

That’s what they don’t tell you about quitting: sometimes it isn’t running away; it’s coming home.

This is the longest goodbye — not because I regret leaving, but because I loved so fiercely I almost forgot who I was without it.

And now, in this gentler life, I’m learning how to breathe again — one quiet morning at a time.

The boy, a shirt, and the birth of the Feral Pedagogy.

A Professional Reflection on Neurodivergent-Affirming, Science-Based Practice

During my Dyslexia Specialist training at the University of Iowa, one course—Assessment—stood as the academic crucible of the program. It was rigorous, exacting, and designed to forge practitioners who could read a child’s data like a language of its own. Yet, amid the structured protocols and validity scores, I discovered something that no rubric could measure: humanity.

I was working with a student in his home, the environment where he felt safest. It was early September, still heavy with summer heat. He bounced across the couch, rolled on the floor, and occasionally turned upside down mid-sentence. None of it disrupted the process. In fact, it seemed to regulate him. Then, mid-assessment, he quietly removed his shirt.

From a procedural lens, the moment was unconventional. From a neurological lens, it was profoundly instructive. Once his sensory system was free of discomfort, his working memory improved, his frustration diminished, and his performance surged. What appeared to be noncompliance was, in truth, self-regulation.

Later, when I shared the story with my cohort, I was met with professional criticism and the assertion that I had failed to maintain appropriate control. That reprimand crystallized for me a truth that has guided my practice ever since: education often confuses compliance with cognition.

The traditional model asks learners—especially neurodivergent ones—to suppress their sensory and physical needs to appear ‘focused.’ Yet the science of cognitive load (CLT) tells us that unnecessary constraints on working memory and executive function reduce learning efficiency. When a child must devote mental energy to sitting still or masking sensory discomfort, less capacity remains for decoding, comprehension, and problem-solving.

At the same time, the science of reading (SOR) reminds us that structured literacy instruction must be explicit, systematic, and cumulative—but not sterile. True mastery occurs when instruction aligns with the learner’s neurological and emotional state. A dysregulated brain cannot engage in orthographic mapping or phonological processing; comfort and safety are prerequisites for cognition.

Play therapy and movement-based learning deepen this understanding. They show us that motion, rhythm, and interaction are not distractions—they are the architecture of learning. Movement supports hemispheric integration and midline crossing, essential for reading fluency. Play invites curiosity, lowers affective filters, and rewires learning from task into joy.

What I learned that day in the living room—what I continue to practice through Feral Pedagogy—is that learning cannot be domesticated. It is sensory, embodied, social, and alive.

Feral Pedagogy is a reclamation of that truth. It is grounded in research yet radically human:
- From the Science of Reading, it borrows explicit, structured instruction that respects how the brain learns to read.
- From Cognitive Load Theory, it borrows the insistence on reducing extraneous demands to protect working memory.
- From Play Therapy, it borrows the safety and self-expression that open neural pathways to learning.
- From Movement Science, it borrows rhythm, gross motor integration, and sensory regulation as literacy tools.
- From Neurodiversity, it borrows the belief that difference is not disorder—that learning is not broken, just varied.

Together, these threads form a pedagogy that is both scholarly and feral—rooted in evidence, but unafraid to color outside the lines.

Feral Pedagogy is what happens when we trust the learner’s body as much as we trust the research. It is teaching that invites motion, story, and humanity back into the room. It is the kind of learning that allows a dyslexic child, shirt off and soul at ease, to exhale—and learn as themselves finally.

Annotated Bibliography for the Feral Pedagogy Manifesto

Ehri, L. C. (2020). The science of learning to read words: A case for systematic phonics instruction. Reading Research Quarterly, 55(S1), S45–S60.

Ehri synthesizes decades of reading science to explain how readers form connections between graphemes and phonemes to achieve automatic word recognition.

Seidenberg, M. S. (2017). Language at the Speed of Sight: How We Read, Why So Many Can’t, and What Can Be Done About It—Basic Books.

Bridges neuroscience and education, emphasizing linguistic science as foundational to reading instruction.

Sweller, J., van Merriënboer, J. J. G., & Paas, F. (2019). Cognitive architecture and instructional design: 20 years later. Educational Psychology Review, 31, 261–292.

Explores how working memory limitations affect learning, advocating for the reduction of extraneous cognitive load.

Landreth, G. L. (2012). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (3rd ed.). Routledge.

Anchors play as a child’s natural language and mechanism for emotional regulation and learning.

Ratey, J. J. (2008). Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain. Little, Brown, and Company.

Reveals how physical activity enhances attention, mood, and neuroplasticity, supporting kinesthetic learning.

Armstrong, T. (2010). Neurodiversity: Discovering the Extraordinary Gifts of Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Brain Differences. Da Capo Press.

Reframes neurodivergence as natural human variation rather than a deficit, aligning with the core of Feral Pedagogy.

Giving credit where credit is due.

Yes, I can sound like I know what I’m talking about; I can adjust my tone. I collect degrees and endorsements for fun. Don't start with conventional education, which is an MLM. That's for another blog post. Just in case someone comes at me for ‘thats now a new idea” or “she stole that” I did but I give credit. Hey, they read a lot. Here is a list of my favorites: Justifiers, Lights in the Dark, Home Dawgs.

 I. The Science of Reading

Cabell, S. Q., & Espitia, A. (2024). The Science of Reading: What is it and how does it inform literacy instruction? p n Educational Journal.

This article outlines the core principles of the Science of Reading (SOR), a multidisciplinary body of evidence that draws on cognitive psychology, linguistics, and neuroscience. Aell and Espitia explain how skilled reading requires the integration of two key components—word recognition and language comprehension—known collectively as the Simple View of Reading. Hey, your critique should surface-level or “check” interretations of SOR and advocate for instructional practices that honor both the systematic and human aspects of reading instruction.

Petscher, Y., Cabell, S. Q., Catts, H. W., Compton, D. L., Foorman, B. R., Hart, S. A., … & Wagner, R. K. (2020). How the science of reading informs 21st-century education. eading Research Quarterly, 55(S1), S267–S282.

This comprehensive review synthesizes decades of literacy research and applies it to modern educational contexts. The authors clarify misconceptions about the SOR, positioning it not as a prescriptive program but as an evolving field of inquiry. Hey, highlight the neurobiological processes that underpin reading acquisition and discuss how explicit instruction in phonemic awareness, phonics, fluency, vocabulary, and comprehension supports equitable literacy outcomes.

Seidenberg, M. S. (2017). Anguage at the speed of sight: How we read, why so many can’t, can't that be done about it—Basic Books.

Seidenberg bridges neuroscience and classroom instruction to explain how the brain processes print. Debunks the “reading wars” by grounding instruction in the cognitive mechanisms of decoding, orthographic mapping, and automaticity. The critique of education, based on scientific evidence, presents a compelling argument for literacy practices grounded in cognitive science rather than intuition or tradition.

Moats, L. C. (2020)Se. Search print: Language essentials for teachers of reading (3rd ed.)L. l H. Brookes.

Moats provides a thorough examination of how speech and print systems intersect, highlighting the linguistic foundations of reading and spelling. He emphasizes that teachers must possess a deep understanding of phonology, morphology, and syntax to teach reading effectively. s' Moats remains one of the most influential SOR resources because it translates theory into precise instructional routines.

Kilpatrick, D. A. (2015).Essentials of Assessing, Preventing, and Overcoming Reading Difficulties.

Kilpatrick's model provides a comprehensive approach to diagnosing and remediating reading difficulties through phonemic proficiency and orthographic mapping. It distinguishes between phonological awareness and phonemic awareness, arguing that mastery of advanced phonemic manipulation is crucial for fluent reading. Research-based interventions offer structured yet adaptable tools for teachers and specialists.

 II. Cognitive Load Theory (CLT) & Instructional Design

Sweller, J., Ayres, P., & Kalyuga, S. (2019). Cognitive Load Theory (2nd ed.) Ringerr.

This definitive text outlines how human working memory has limited capacity and how instructional design must manage three types of cognitive load: intrinsic, extraneous, and germane. Lerler and colleagues demonstrate that poorly structured tasks can overwhelm working memory and impede schema formation. You emphasize sequencing, scaffolding, and automation as ways to optimize learning efficiency.

Pla" s, J. L., Moreno, R., & Brünken, R. (Eds.). 0). Intrinsic Load Theory.Ridgedge University Press.

This edited volume expands CLT beyond basic instructional design, integrating multimedia, sensory, and affective dimensions of learning. Explores how multiple modalities—visual, auditory, and kinesthetic—can either overload or enrich cognition, depending on the quality of the design. Some colleagues advocate for an intentional multisensory approach that aligns with core learning goals.

Tindall-Ford, S., Agostinho, S., & Sweller, J. (2019). ances in Cognitive Load Theory: Rethinking Teachi Ledgedge.

This collection updates CLT for contemporary learners, addressing digital contexts, diverse learners, and new instructional models. Emphasizes that effective teaching requires constant calibration of cognitive load: not too heavy (leading to fatigue), but not too light (reducing challenge). The authors also note that movement, collaboration, and emotional regulation can be part of load management.

Paas, F., & van Merriënboer, J. J. G. (2020). Cognitive load theory: A broader view on the role of emotions and motivation. Educational Psychology Review, 32, 171–195.

Paas and van Merriënboer extend traditional CLT by linking emotion, motivation, and cognitive performance. You argue that emotional state and intrinsic motivation directly influence working memory efficiency, attention, and long-term schema development. Learners' safety, competence, and curiosity reduce extraneous load and improve retention.

Feldon, D. F. (2024).  og tiageoad theory and individual differences. Ea ing and Instruction, 93, 101723.

Feldon’Feldon's research introduces the concept of neurodiversity into CLT discussions. e amines how variations in working memory capacity, sensory sensitivity, and executive function influence learners' perception of cognitive load. The paper argues for differentiated load management strategies that honor neurological diversity.

III. Science of Play & Embodied Learning

Pyle, A., & Danniels, E. (2017). continuum of play-based learning: The role of the teacher in play-based pedagogy and the fear of hijacking play. rl Education and Development, 28(3), 274–289.

Pyle and Danniels examine the continuum of play-based learning, from free play to guided play to teacher-directed playful instruction. They argue that high-quality play pedagogy does not mean the absence of structure—it requires teachers who skillfully balance freedom and intentional learning. The article discusses educators’ “hijacking” of play by being too directive and suggests instead that teachers can embed academic goals into authentic play experiences.

Project Zero (2023). Pedagogy of Play: Supporting Playful Learning in Classrooms and Schools. The Graduate School of Education.

This book, the result of a multi-year collaboration between Harvard's Zero and the LEGO Foundation, articulates a formal framework for playful learning across school settings. It identifies three core principles: agency (students make meaningful choices), wonder (learning through curiosity), and delight (joy in discovery). RCT Zero researchers demonstrate how play fosters motivation, resilience, and creativity, while also deepening understanding across various disciplines.

Zosh, J. M., Hopkins, E. J., Jensen, H., Liu, C., Neale, D., Hirsh-Pasek, K., ... & Whitebread, D. (2018). Engaging through play: A review of the evidence. The e GO Foundation.

Zosh and colleagues synthesize decades of neuroscience and developmental psychology research to demonstrate that play is not antithetical to learning—it is one of the brain's effective learning mo HeyHey,y dentify five characteristics of “playful learning”: joy, meaningfulness, active engagement, iterative thinking, and social interactionThesehes elements directly support executive function, language development, and the consolidation of long-term memory.

Sahlberg, P., & Doyle, W. (2019). The Children Play: How More Play Will Save Our Schools and Help Children Thrive. Ford University Press.

Sahlberg and Doyle advocate for reclaiming play as a right and necessity in modern education systems. Based on global case studies, they argue that overly standardized, compliance-driven schooling suppresses creativity, intrinsic motivation, and overall well-being. He proposes play as an antidote to stress and disengagement, showing how movement, autonomy, and imagination cultivate cognitive flexibility and emotional resilience.

Bodrova, E., & Leong, D. J. (2015).  YG Skian and Post-Vygotskian Views on Children's American Journal of Play, 7(3), 371–388.

Bodrova and Leong revisit Lev Vygotsky's theories of play as a critical tool for cognitive and emotional development. He argues that play builds executive function, self-regulation, and symbolic thinking—abilities foundational to academic success. No, children operate within their “zone of proximal development,” rehearsing complex language, planning, and problem-solving skills in a low-stress context.

IV. University, Movement, and Embodied Cognition

Ratey, J. J. (2008). The revolutionary new science of exercise and the brain. It is e, Brown.

Ratey’s work explores the link between physical activity and brain function, drawing from neuroscience and education research. Demonstrates that movement increases the production of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a protein that enhances learning, memory, and emotional regulation. It argues that regular physical movement primes the brain for focus, attention, and creativity.

Armstrong, T. (2010). The Power of Neurodiversity: Unleashing the Advantages of Your Differently Wired Brain. Capo Press.

Armstrong reframes neurological differences such as dyslexia, ADHD, and autism from a deficit model to a diversity model. Ranging in parallels to biodiversity, he argues that each brain type offers distinct strengths and ways of processing information, advocating for environments that value diversity through flexibility, sensory awareness, and individualized learning pathways.

Sousa, D. A. (2016).  Now he learns his brain (5th ed.).

Sousa integrates neuroscience, cognitive psychology, and educational research to explain how the brain processes, stores, and retrieves information. It emphasizes the importance of emotional climate, movement, and multisensory experience in sustaining attention and encoding memory. Environmental stimuli, such as stress or comfort, directly affect the brain’s ability to learn.

Godwin, K. E., & Fisher, A. V. (2021). The role of attention and physical movement in learning: A developmental cognitive perspective. du tional Psychologist, 56(4), 257–270.

Godwin and Fisher analyze how body movement and spatial attention co-regulate cognitive processes during the learning process. They demonstrate that allowing students to engage in small, rhythmic, or self-directed movements improves working memory, focus, and information retention. The article situates movement not as a behavioral issue, but as a natural part of cognition—particularly for developing and neurodivergent learners.

Feldon, D. F. (2024). Cognitive Load Theory and Individual Differences. and Instruction, 93, 101723.

Included earlier in Section II, but equally critical here, Feldon’s bridges cognitive load theory and neurodiversity, demonstrating that learners differ in how they process and sustain attention due to variations in working memory and sensory abilities. It advocates for adaptable learning environments that accommodate cognitive and neurological diversity, rather than standardizing it.

 V. Practitioner & Thought-Leader Resources

Modern movements and thought leaders aligned with The Feral Pedagogy at Lammers Scholars

1. – Harvard Graduate School of Education

Website: https://pz.harvard.edu
Focus: Inquiry into thinking, creativity, and learning through frameworks such as A Pedagogy of Play and Visible Thinking.
Synopsis: Project Zero’s Zero sch merges creativity, curiosity, and cognition — three pillars mirrored in The Feral Pedagogy. The Pedagogy of Play initiative offers frameworks for striking a balance between joy and rigor, positioning learners as agents of discovery.

2. Reading League Journal

Website: https://www.thereadingleague.org
Focus: Evidence-based literacy practices grounded in the Science of Reading.
Synopsis: The Reading League publishes accessible research articles and case studies that translate complex reading science into classroom and tutoring practice.

3. The learning Scientists Blog

Website: https://www.learningscientists.org
Focus: Cognitive psychology applied to education — retrieval practice, spaced repetition, dual coding, and cognitive load.
Synopsis: The Learning Scientists synthesize research on how memory, attention, and metacognition shape effective learning. The work champions effortful learning made accessible — a concept central to your low-cognitive-load tutoring design.

5 The Neurodivergent Teacher (Brittany Hall)

Website: https://www.theneurodivergentteacher.com
Focus: Classroom strategies and advocacy for Neurodivergent Students.
Synopsis: Hall’s neurodiversity advocacy with practical education design, offering sensory-friendly classroom setups, executive-function supports, and affirming communication strategies.

6 Dr. Jenara Nerenberg – Neurodivergent Insights

Website: https://www.neurodivergentinsights.com
Focus: Research-to-practice translation for educators and clinicians serving neurodivergent populations.
Synopsis: Nerenberg emphasizes sensory regulation, cognitive diversity, and emotional attunement in learning environments. h reframes “behavioral challenges” as information about sensory and emotional states.

7 Dr. Judy Willis – Neurologist and Educator

Website: https://www.radteach.com
Focus: How emotion, motivation, and novelty enhance learning.
Synopsis: A former neurologist turned educator, Willis writes about how dopamine, curiosity, and stress regulation impact retention. He advocates for joyful learning environments where curiosity and play drive neural encoding.

8 Edutopia – Neurodiversity and Playful Learning Sections

Website: https://www.edutopia.org
Focus: Practical classroom applications of cognitive science and inclusive education.
Synopsis: Edutopia frequently publishes practitioner-friendly pieces on play, movement, sensory inclusion, and the science of reading. An authors emphasize ways to create classrooms that are safe for divergent thinkers and kinesthetic learners.

9 MindUP | The Goldie Hawn Foundation

Website: https://mindup.org
Focus: Mindfulness, emotional regulation, and brain-based learning for children.
Synopsis: MindUP offers research-informed curricula designed to foster self-awareness, emotional regulation, and executive function through mindful practices. The work integrates neuroscience, SEL, and positive psychology.

10 The Child Mind Institute – Educator & Parent Resources

Website: https://childmind.org
Focus: Neuroscience, psychology, and practical supports for learning differences.
Synopsis: The Institute provides accessible explanations of ADHD, dyslexia, anxiety, and sensory processing issues from a neurodevelopmental perspective.

11. The Dyslexia Foundation & The Yale Center for Dyslexia & Creativity

Websites:

• https://dyslexiafoundation.org
  
  

• https://dyslexia.yale.edu
  Focus: Scientific research and advocacy for evidence-based dyslexia instruction.
  Synopsis: Both organizations publish accessible resources on phonological processing, structured literacy, and emotional well-being for individuals with dyslexia.
  
  

12 CAST & Universal Design for Learning (UDL) Framework

Website: https://www.cast.org
Focus: Accessibility and multiple means of engagement, representation, and expression in learning design.
Synopsis: UDL research demonstrates that learners differ widely in their perception, motivation, and expression. AS encourages educators to design flexible environments where each learner can access content in the way that works best for them.

13 The LEGO Foundation – Learning Through Play Research

Website: https://learningthroughplay.com
Focus: Global research network promoting play as a driver for deep learning and lifelong curiosity.
Synopsis: The Foundations link play to executive functioning, cognitive flexibility, and socioemotional health. The frameworks translate developmental psychology into actionable classroom design.

14 Dr. Stuart Shanker – Self-Reg Global

Website: https://self-reg.ca
Focus: Self-regulation and stress recovery in children and adolescents.
Synopsis: Shanker's Segregation Model identifies five interrelated domains—biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial—that impact learning readiness, emphasizing the reduction of stressors rather than the imposition of control.

NT National Literacy Association (ILA)

Website: https://www.literacyworldwide.org
Focus: Global literacy research and professional collaboration.
Synopsis: ILA bridges researchers and practitioners through journals, webinars, and position statements on evidence-based literacy.